As the best athletes in the world compete in the summer Olympics, we can’t help but sense the nervousness coming from the stands in Rio. From Michael Phelps’s mother and fiancé to Simone Biles’s parents to the ever-exuberant parents of Aly Raisman, people who watch a loved one perform can experience a tremendous amount of pride — and pressure.
“The parents are stars in their own right!” Jacqui White, a transitions and parenting coach, tells Yahoo Beauty. “Aly Raisman’s parents [Lynn and Rick] are so much fun to watch! They’re trying to help her by shifting their bodies to the left, then the right. They’re doing everything except getting out there and doing it for their kid. But as far as being the parent who’s watching — it’s not always so much fun!”
Aly Raisman’s parents, Lynn and Rick, lean over as they nervously watch their daughter compete during the Olympics. (Photo: NBC)
White knows firsthand how it feels to sit in the stands as your child competes for the gold. Her son is champion ice dancer Charlie White, who took home the top prize with his skating partner, Meryl Davis, at the 2014 Olympics in Sochi.
She compares her last experience at the Winter Olympics to being on a rollercoaster that slowly creeps to the top of a hill, then delays before the fall. “It’s such a crazy, fun ride, yet it’s the scariest moment of your life,” White explains. “Your heart beats double time, believe me. Talk about your stomach being in knots — you can’t even find it! It’s somewhere between where it’s supposed to be and coming out of your mouth.”
The most stressful part, according to White, was knowing her son could walk away with all or nothing. “You look at your child and you see it in their eyes; you see it in their work ethic; you hear them talk about the passion they have,” she says. “It can be so hard to watch because you know this moment could end with a broken heart or it could be the most joyful moment of their life.”
Ron and Nellie Biles support their adopted daughter, Simone, from the stands. (Photo: Getty Images)
She then recalls a valuable life lesson she learned from Charlie years ago, after he’d won a silver medal. “He told [his then-girlfriend, now wife, ice dancer Tanith Belbin] that he and Meryl had never skated better in their lives,” White says. “And that’s what makes me a proud parent — you’re in the moment of not winning the gold but feeling like a champion because you did every single thing that you could do to be your best. This is how Charlie lives. This is his philosophy of life. I couldn’t be more proud of him.”
During her coaching seminars, White advises other parents how to deal with the stress of watching their competitive children stumble and fall.
“I tell them it’s all good, and I say this because I look at some of the struggles our kids had,” she explains, referring to Meryl’s mom, Cheryl Davis, as well. “They didn’t always come in first place, and those struggles were good for them — it reminded them that it’s not easy. You have to have those struggles in life in order to really see this is something you’re going to rise above, that you’re going to fight for. The struggles push you and make you better at whatever it is you want to do.”
White also strongly suggests that parents refrain from coming to their child’s rescue when things don’t go their way.
“Let them struggle. Let them own it and work it through so they can see they can do it on their own,” she says. “It makes them stronger and empowers them. This is something your kid needs to do, and as a parent, you need to go with the flow. Take it from someone who has been there — it’s going to be OK and it will work in your favor.”
